i think my nose is growing bigger

haih.

Thank You

h finally saw it thru his eyes. that.i.dont.give.a.shit.about.my.ex. and the fact that my.ex.is.obviously.nothing. yes, he is nothing. so who gives a shit about him? now that my syg thinks that my ex is not a threat, he too actually thinks that my ex is an attention seeker. which equals to = poser. i am freee of anymore drama! yay! im happy i dont have to say anything and he could see and judge everything himself.

well, its not just him. i'm happy that my friends, my very close friends, my true friends who need no words nor story telling from me could see the obvious. i dont have to say anything. nada. they just see what's happening and judge it themselves. i'm surprised when friends who haven't seen me for a long time, and those i dont talk about my private life so much - ask about why is your ex doing those like he intended to do so? is he trying to piss u off or is he just an attention seeker? ........ and i just smile. i dont know. who knows? only he knows. maybe he intended to do that just to hurt me (like i would be hurt with his actions la kan). maybe he's just like that. maybe he's changed. maybe is a poser. maybe he's lonely. maybe he's living his life to the max. I DONT KNOW. u ask him. r u trying to piss me off or jealous of me? i dont think so. we're over this already. i have greater concerns to my boyfriend rather than thinking about what he wants.

when h got over this shit, u dont know how happy i am. he was treating me nicer than ever and loveable as always. we even make fun about that guy. we want to see more. let him take all my friends he knew from me. let him do his stuff. i'm not worried coz i know my true friends are. those who love me n care about me. even if these friends i love are close to him, it doesn't matter coz everyone has the right to be friends with anyone. they shouldn't take sides. but i know a few who used to be so close to me and chose one side after the break up. these are not true friends. because if u want to be friends, be faithful to the friendship. dont smile in front of me and pretend when the fact u've been bitchmouthing me behind my back. have u heard of "brothers fight, but they are still brothers"? thats what you call TRUE FRIENDS. no matter what, u stay with each other and watch each others backs. got that bitch? i've never hated my so-called-friends like this til the moment i heard hurting stories from them. i'm sorry but have i done anything wrong to u? i've loved u like how much i love the rest of my friends. u just dont appreciate. dah la tak appreciate, u started a war plak dah.

i'm not interested in friends battle. in fact, i told h long time ago that 2010 is a new beginning for me. a new start. i'm starting low. low profile. less attention. less trouble. more commitment. it has come to my senses that now is the time to be serious. yes, serious to my love life. making sure he's my priority. be a better person. spend more time with my family. and make sure all you loveable caring friends of mine be appreciated. have faith in me, in our friendship. i'm looking forward to a happy lovely life surrounded with all you non-backstabbers and friends-for-benefits bitches.

pray for me.

i love all of you! mwahhhh

When Sabby Comes Back...

my very best friend sabby @ sabrina nurikram is back in kl after 2 long years since her last visit! sabby joined our school when she came to malaysia after staying for her whole life [god knows hoow long] in japan, and was my senior back then. she was supposed to be in form 4 when she joined but since she didnt took PMR, she had to re-do her form 3 and take PMR. so basically she's 2 years older than me but a senior of 1 year in school.

we were closer after my SPM break. she was studying her foundation under MARA before pursuing her study in Japan. since she went to japan, she came back a lot, at least once a year. but for the past years since didnt come back - which make me misssss her even moreeeee!!!

here's the thing, when we started to hangout back then... i was dating j. n everytime she came back, it has always been me, j n shereen to hangout n spend time together all the time, everywhere. but since i broke up with j like 2 years ago... things have to change right?

during her visit now, me n j were like a divorced parents who have to exchange time spending with sabby. haha. during the days, sabby will go out with j. at nights, she's with me n h. complicated, i know. so when i was hanging out with her of course la i will ask her what she did during her day out. n we will talk awkwardly about she going here n there with less mentioned of j. haha. (coz h basically can't hear j's name at all). whatever she wanted to tell about anything relating to j has to be confidential - as in at h's back. just to respect him u know?

last wednesday was nana's birthdayyyy!! she's 23 now! gosh i feel so old. haha. she invited us to her party at Pacific Regency, just close friends. i came with sabby, shereen n h. n what a surpriseee when j and some other friends from stw came to the party.

i was so panic becoz h is totally not over j yet. so i dont really want any drama happening. i didnt have any issue with j coz me n j have our own life now. but what really concerned me was h. sumpah panic. i dont wanna go thru all the drama between me n h like one we had in langkawi on new year. i mean, i'm not doing anything wrong but a slight mistake could cause a very big fight between me n h.

so i enjoyed my party with h n drink a lot til everyone got so drunk except for sabby n shereen who went back early (they don't drink anyway). n h enjoyed his n made friends with the people there. everything was good. then myra was gone early. i think she had too much drink. followed by nana.

so went into the master bedroom to check on the 2 girls. i helped nana cleaned up, getting wet towel n all that. then j came in. hugging n kissing her. not surprised. but the surprised part was when nana wanted to talk to me about him. she likes j. n she's feeling guilty. i had to convince her about how im all okay with it, i think she made a good choice, its time for her to get a boyfriend n such. n she was really apologizing n cyring n all that. my god. i feel guilty pulak. dah la when we talked about it j was next to her. tak awkward pulak aku citer pasal good things bout him in front of him to someone else? adoiii.

well, i dont know about j. i thot he has a gf, from what he's been telling h at langkawi n what i heard from friends. i hope he's not playing around like flirting when u already have a gf. i hope i'm wrong. maybe he's broken up with the gf n single to mingle? i dont care. just dont fool my friend. coz i know nana is very nice girl n i really love her.

so much of ex talk. back to boyfriend. i'm gonna miss h a lottttt! he's starting this monday sooo farrrr awayyyy from me! takpe, gaji besar. at the end its for me jugak kan? hihihihi. i have to continue house hunting. i'm looking for a studio apartment so its not too big n too expensive compared to a 3 rooms unit.

H got a job!

yup. he got a job by only going to 1 interview with maybank. but he'll be working at maybank BUKIT JELUTONG!!! bapak jauhhhhhhhhhh!! dah la jauh, keje shifts plak tu! i'm seriously going to die faster without him.

so, we're on house hunt now. h wants to live ONLY the 2 of us. no housemates pls. without considering me as the person who actually LIVE there, ALONE when he's out working on shifts! urgh! so now we're looking at the bangsar or pj area because i dont wanna live too far from kl. WHEN UR NOT THERE LEAVING ME ALONE WHADDYA EXPECT ME TO DO? sleep? eat? get fat but not growing any taller?

besides the house hunt, we're on car hunt jugak. haih. belum pun start keje macam2 nak. takpe, spoiled brat like u wouldnt have to worry anything huh?
we just survey some of the cars. he wanted jazz so much. his dad wanted him to take the mitsubishi lancer. i'm persuading him to get city coz i'm not into small compact cars pls. but then again, u know h, stubborn. so i think he'll take the jazz.

next week is our 1 year anniversary. i've settled our 'accommodation' and he's in charge of the dinner reservation - which i think he hasn't made any yet. we're going to be really broke this month with valentine's day only 10 days after the anniversary. celebrate lagiii. haih.

i'm thinking of buying h a furry type of g-string. what do u think? hahahahahhahaha.

i seriously have no idea what i should get him for anniversary and valentine.

thanks to cikhanis talib, she recommended me a website where i can buy very cheappppp vouchers for dining at hotels n such. hihi. i really need to save a lot.

im need spa. desperately. anyone care to join me? no foot massage pls. thanks, i really hate it.

What Happened?

u wanna tell me y sayang? r u jealous of h n therefore u intend to keep the beard long? or ur still not over christmas, probably u think santa's getting all the juicy asses on his lap and u want that too? beneath ur osama bin laden look, u still look gorgeous, hot, sexy, and very very sexyyyy syg.

mwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

p/s: u're still my number 2 after h.

Happy Birthday Sasha Pivovarova

Sabby's Back!

Garden new branch @ Curve!

we spent more than 2 hours at Cotton On and Forever 21! craaazy lah.

sumpah aku terkejut si zaki jadi waiter kat garden. waiter!! elok2 keje QS, jadi waiter? adoi

One Week

Saturday
Went to Mid Valley with syg and alilani. we watched that damn Paranormal Activity. Paranormal Activity is very disturbing! totally regret watching that movie. no more good night sleep for the next 12 months. thank u dear movie. ur fake documentary really scares me to death! I ended up sleeping with h for 3 nights in a row - by force.

Sunday
Working out daddy's work. Research on my assignments. a lot of work involving typing and staring at the screen.

Monday
Finalize slides for presentation

Tuesday
Aunty Da Da pass away at around 7pm because of cancer. Everyone gathered at maktok's house. may she rest in peace. Al-Fatihah.

Wednesday
Aunty Da Da's funeral early in the morning. spent some time at maktok's house til lunch. went to the big presentation at Dentsu, 6pm. from damansara heights, went back to maktok's house for tahlil.

Thursday
Abang's birthday. didn't wish or get him anything. i forgot. but if i do remember, i dont give a shit. went to tahlil again that night.

Friday
Mummy's birthday. interview with Petronas at 10.30am. stupid agency put me in the wrong interview session. wasted my time. came back n slept til 5pm. got up and went to KLIA to pick up SABBY!! hangout at hartamas along with shereen, went to sabby's and ali b.

Saturday
attended my primary school's reunion. standard 6 and now seems like a really long time. i barely recognize some of them. haha. simple but nice. everyone has been living their own life their way... business, IT, consultant, engineer, doctor, paparazzi pun ade. u name it lah. haha.


headed to Laundry @ Curve that night. it was boooorrrriiinggggg!!! staying in is boring, going out with friends got me dealing with the same thing. how could that possibly happen?gosh. i need new entertainment pls.

slept at h's.

Sunday
woke up at h's. forced him to send me back coz i've got a date with sabby n shereen. we went to pavi at 5, makan n went straight to cotton on (oh my god) and forever 21. by just going to those 2 shop, we didn't realize we spent 3 hours. mostly at cotton on. COTTON ON! y r u being sooo unfair to me??!!! y do u have to be sooooooooo stylish yet so cheap???? y r u there when i'm broke? urghhhh!!

oh, we've been hanging out at the mall for few hours more and back at 9-ish. what a day.

Men and Women

Definition of Men

Men are like mascara - they usually run at the first sign of emotion
Men are like blenders - you need one but you're not quietly sure why
Men are like plungers - they spend most of their lives in a hardware/electronic stores or the bathroom
Men are like mini skirts - if you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs
Men are like copiers - you need them for reproduction, but that's about it
Men are like coolers - load them with beer and you can take them anywhere
Men are like place mats - they only show up when there's food on the table
Men are like high heels - they're easy to walk on once you get used to them
Men are like helmets - they're handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly
Men are like curling irons - hot and make you look good
Men are like bananas - the older they get, the less firm they are
Men are like coffee - the best ones are rich, warm, full-bodied and keep you up all night
Men are like cheap cars - easy to get, cheap, and prove to be unreliable.
Men are like chocolate bars - sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips
Men are like horoscopes - they always tell you what to do and are usually wrong
Men are like noodles - they're always in hot water, they lack taste and they need dough.

Male Code of Conduct

1. Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

3. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master

b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
c. After wrecking your boss' Ferrari
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into The Crying Game
e. When your Date is using her teeth

4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5. Acceptable excuse for not helping a friend move - Your legs have been severed in a freak threshing accident.

6. Acceptable excuse for not helping a friend of a friend move: - You'd rather stay home and watch speed buggy reruns

7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's running late is 5 minutes. Maximum waiting time: 6 minutes. For a girl, you have to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

9. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

10. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.)

11. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

12. While your girlfriend must bond with your buddies' girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them, you are not required to make nice with her gal pals' significant -heads--- low level sports bonding is all the law requires (sorry ladies, it's called a double standard because it's twice as true).

13. Unless you have signed a lucrative endorsement contract, do not appear in public wearing more than one swoosh.

14. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

15. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

16. It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach.... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free.

17. Only in situations of Moral and/or Ass peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

18. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

19. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

20. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem---you didn't see nothin'.

21. Women who claim the "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

22. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

23. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

24. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.

25. If you complement a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

26. Never join your girlfriend or wife in dissing a buddy of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

27. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
d. Nice Ass, Are you a Sagittarius?

28. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

29. Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone; Hang up if necessary.

30. When a buddy is trying to hook you up, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chance of getting laid either.

31. You cannot rat out a coworker who shows up at work with a massive hangover. You may however, hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness dial all the way down so he thinks his monitor is broken, and have him paged over the loudspeaker every seven minutes.

Things Women Can't Do
(mostly i agree but not some of it)

1. Know anything about a car except its colour
2. Understand a film plot
3. Go 24 hours without sending a text message
4. Lift
5. Throw
6. Run
7. Park
8. Not talk when the telly's on
9. Read a map
10. Rob a bank
11. Resist Ikea
12. Sit still
13. Tell a joke
14. Play pool
15. Pay for dinner
16. Eat a kebab whilst walking
17. Pee out of a train window
18. Argue without shouting
19. Get told off without crying
20. Understand fruit machines
21. Walk past a shoe shop
22. Make a decent bacon sandwich
23. Not comment on strangers clothes
24. Use small amounts of toilet paper
25. Let you sleep with a hangover
26. Drink a pint gracefully
27. Get a round in
28. Throw a punch
29. Do magic
30. Like your friends
31. Enjoy porn
32. Eat a really hot curry
33. Get to the point
34. Buy plain envelopes
35. Take less than 20 minutes in the toilet
36. Sit in a room for five minutes without saying "I'm cold"
37. Go shopping without telephoning 20 mates
38. Avoid credit card debt
39. Dive into a pool
40. Assemble furniture
41. Roll a bogey between finger and thumb
42. Set a video recorder
43. Not try and change you
44. Watch a war film
45. Understand why flirting results in violence
46. Spend a day by themselves
47. Go to the toilet by themselves
48. Buy a purse that fits in their pocket
49. Choose a video quickly
50. Get this far without having argued with at least one of the above

Rules for Women

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us griping about you leaving it down.

2. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

3. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

4. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

5. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

6. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

7. Crying is blackmail.

8. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

9. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

10. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

11. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

12. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

13. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

14. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

15. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

16. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

17. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

18. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

19. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

20. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

21. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

22. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

23. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

24. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

25. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

26. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

27. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

28. You have enough clothes.

29. You have too many shoes.

30. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)

31. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

32. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.

The Female Rules

1. The Female always makes THE RULES.

2. THE RULES are subject to change without notice.

3. No Male can possibly know all THE RULES.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES, she must immediately change some of THE RULES.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.

7. If Rule #6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.

8. The Female can change her mind at any time.

9. The Male must never change his mind without the express written consent of The Female.

10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. The Male is expected to read the mind of the Female at all times.

14. At all times, what is important is what the Female meant, not what she said.

15. If the Male doesn't abide by THE RULES, it is because he can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.

16. If the Female has PMS, all THE RULES are null and void and the Male must cater to her every whim.

17. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #5.

Hadri vs. Lydia

NICKNAMES

lyd : would refer him as syg, honey bunny baby boo

h : syg, butter prawn, infection, dota characters

----------
EATING OUT

lyd : always go for good food ; from stalls to hotels. as long as it's good and worth my money!

h : always go to the ones with aircond. mr. snowhite hates sunshine.

----------
MONEY

lyd : check my purse before thinking of purchasing something.

h : take everything to the counter and notice the short money there.

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ROOMS

h : has less than 10 items ; razor, man moisturizer, deodorant, perfume, asthma inhaler, flu medicine and other medication stuff.

lyd : "The average number of items in the typical woman's room is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items."

----------
ARGUMENTS

lyd : started it. fight for it. always has the last word in any argument.

h : fight it and usually cut off just like that or "malas nak layan" when he's not winning. n tukar topic.

----------
CATS

lyd : loves cats.

h : love cats, but when i'm not looking, he kicks the cat.

----------
FUTURE

lyd : dreams of traveling the world together with him. just us.

h : master the game Dota and teach the kids how to play dota.

----------
SUCCESS

h : makes more money than his wife can spend.

lyd : becoming a successful woman by finding such a man.

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MARRIAGE

lyd : hopes to have a beautiful wedding ever!

h : wants to change the tradition by running from outside to the bride on stage with a hand holding up a keris.

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DRESSING UP

lyd : change 15 clothes in front of the mirror before going out.

h : change 15 hairstyles in front of the mirror before going out.

----------

FOOD/MEAL

h : eat clumsily, push the food from the center of the plate toward outside and leaves everything a mess around it.

lyd : clean h every 2 mins when eating together.

----------

FRIENDS

lyd : call everyone at all peak time to check on whereabout and lepaking plans.

h : call friends when there's a dota match created.

----------

LOVE

h : selfish, but always know how to make lyd happy like doing something unexpected.

lyd : happy and trying to survive.

Guys Can Go Die With Your Games

yes, i know that my problem is somehow like mim's. and those who read her blog would probably say "apahal pompuan ni tiru mim punya blog? dah takde idea ke?". my god... please lahh. i dont know how odd it is to have similar problems at the same time, lagi2 lah bile kitrg ni related. weird but it scares me, really.

ok so my prob with h tade la dragging melampau2. it was til the moment i blogged about our prob that i came to my senses that i shouldn't be doing this anymore. i should stop (u know... all the begging, being nice, lovey dovey text msgs, etc).

since he didn't entertain any of my lovey dovey begging shit during his so called 'mood swing' and i-need-some-space-to-think-about-us, i wanted to stop and give him everything he wanted.. space n time.. and think.. and hon... dota... staying home... sleeping... etc.

i text him 1 last time.
syg, im depressed and tired. i dont know what else to do so we could go back to how we used to. i dont think it will work if it's only me trying. so pls take all the time and space u need. im sorry i disturbed u. take good care while im not there. love u always.

yes, it is very panjang for a text message. dah la gune fon bodoh. kalau blackberry senang sket type (hint2!!).

then he replied me. so sudden that he has 'recovered' and got over it already. he's okay n not thinking about it. the next thing i knew, he wanted to see me right away (it was 3am btw). but i was too tired n sleepy i refused nicely. so we just talked on the phone like nothing happened.

just like that!

after i sent that text, he was ALRIGHT. he got over it. so simple so easy. i mean, i've been texting him the wholeeee day n he replied with only a word each time. like.. ok, no, bye. and within few hours after i've decided im giving up, he was OKAY.

i was actually excitedly happy when he said that til i get the second thought of what a fool i've been making myself toward him. begging la, apologizing, pujuk pujuk pujuk. sikit punya tinggi 80 tingkat ego u. n when i give up, u dah ok pulak?

please la guys... dont do this to ur girlfriends. sikit2 boleh la. but dont make it that obvious. i feel like i was cheated.

but i didnt say that to him. just happy enuf that he accept things the way i am. lydia the fool will always do what hadri wants to. ok?

miriam omar, aku kena bomoh ni kot. hadri bagi makan nasi kangkang kot? hahaha.

Why Is This Happening??

right after i blogged about my happy relationship with h, watched movie and slept over his house... suddenly we encountered an argument about things we can't even argue about and now i see everything falling apart between both of us. as if some of u who read about my blog decided that i shouldn't be happy with my love life and therefore u cast some blackmagic towards us right away. hmmp.

i am so depressed. i feel like shit and i hate feeling like fucking shit. i hate this shit. this shit is not even some shitty things i could shit about. i dont know what this shit is all about.

after the movie, i was about to sleep when... out of no where... he said he was really pissed off at me because of my previous relationship. my past. (fyi, the movie we watched had nothing to do with relationship, love n such. its a movie about DRUGS).

he's mad at me because my ex was at langkawi during new year. because i told him about my ex a lot before this. because my ex lives nearby. because my ex is in the same circle of friends with us. because my ex had a long relationship with me. because he knows how my ex looks like. because my ex is everywhere. because friends talk about my ex.

i did nothing wrong and suddenly i was blamed for my past relationship. is it the Guys Mood Swing season now? in the morning he sent me a lovey dovey text message n just like that, he could burst about something out of nowhere later that night. goshhhh. sumpah tak paham.

i was apologizing all the time even tho i didnt do anything wrong. y did i apologize? no idea. its my past and its not like i could go back and erase that part of my life's history. i would if i could. i was begging, not knowing y. i tried everything to convince him about our relationship and did my best to prevent him from becoming more angry. i have tried. til now. like crazy. and im going crazy.

i love my bf very very much. i haven't done things im surprised i did just for him. if this is a case of me doing something wrong to him when i'm still in this relationship, i can accept this. but no. i didnt do anything to him. i didnt cheat or lie to him. in this matter, my relationship with my ex was reaaalllyyy longgg time ago when i didnt even know my bf now. so how could my past be a problem to our relationship now?

he said its not about me. its about him. he's been keeping it for so long that sometimes it goes away but sometimes it comes back.

i gave him time n space so he could deal with this matter himself since i can't do anything about it. i really can't. when he says things to me about my past, i dont know what to do. i cant do anything to stop it about what he thinks and if he thinks about it. i cant do anything. i cant fight. im clueless.

and im depressed. eventho we're still in contact with each other everyday since that night... it really feels different because its unsettled. everything's changed. there's a distance between us.

i really want to kill my ex. but that wont change anything.

help.

I Love You

hohohoho. gedikgedikgedik.

Me and H have been together for almost 1 YEAR! wooohoooo~!! i can't believe it. ahak. gedikgedik.

we've known each other since Azielah's birthday (december 09).

we started hanging out since then. celebrated new year together.

hook up on Miyan's birthday at the end of jan.

officially together on feb.

i must admit this whole period has been amazingly wonderful with him. so many memories and moments i won't forget. (macam boleh tak time tgh buat blog ni keluar lagu Coldplay? haha)

this relationship is h's longest ever. his first long term relationship. i'm so proud of him coz we've been thru a lot and yet we managed to stick together for our relationship sake. i may have complain a lot about him but h is so great i can't even be mad at him. n thank god he's improved.

can't wait for our anniversary! love u sayanggg~! another 12 months to go and another 12 month and who knows...? hahahaha. gatal.

will you still love me in the morning?

mwah!

Happy New Year!!

when the kids mandi laut, we mothers duduk kat beach tengok je k.

babylon

h did the orang utan walk

swimming pulak (he's already gone crazy by then)

yea i know i'm so fucking late to even wish u guys a happy new year. i actually blogged about my trip to langkawi but i've decided to delete that post instead. hehe. what happened in langkawi stayed in langkawi!

so i had an aweeeeeesooooooooooommmmmmmmmmeeeeeeee new year!!! superb gua cakap. it is the best damn new year ever. if u guys r thinking of celebrating new year anyway, go there. it doesnt matter if ur a geek, party-hater, old fashioned and such coz when u go thereeee everything about u will. u'll socialize more and will be facing endless activities there.

i like langkawi a lot. not just the beach, not just about the RM1.50 beer (seriously it's cheaper than a coke). its everything about langkawiii~ the people there local, foreigners - damn cool, nice, friendly, helpful, kind, blablabla.

oh, tapi makan agak mahal la jugak kan. maybe because kitrg nak makan hebat2 je. so duit makan for 1 meal je dah cost 20 bux. haha. pegi beach makan pizza? watafak?? hahaha. kitrg la tu.

langkawi is turning into a mini Bali. i see a lot of shops selling beach clothing, accessories and a lot more everywhere there. there'll be shops on ur left n right starting from the start of pantai chenang to the end of it. so sangat la senang tak payah nak pegi banyak2 tempat kan. semua kedai jual benda yg same. and the bikinis thereeeeeeeeee sooooooo cheeeapppppppppp!! rugi tak beli! fuckkk. its only between 20-50 bux. cantik gile! nak strap macam mane? cross strap? kat perut? kat ketiak? kat leher? semua ade. hahahaha.

i enjoyed langkawi so much i didnt wanna go back that soooon!! it was supposed to be a getaway for us but i realized the trip was really tiring. we woke up so early in the mornings to get breakfast nye pasal and slept so latee at nights. just because 1 person said "don't waste time" and everyone followed. padahal boleh je buat bodoh. haha.

i am thankful nothing awful, no drama, no accidents and injuries happened while our stay at langkawi. except for my small paranoid drama with h which occurs right after the countdown. nvm that. we're still happy.

for those who plan to go to langkawi, stay at Malibest. thats the best spot we found so far. to party, go to Babylon. for cheap english breakfast and nasi ayam, go to Breakfast bar. for cheaper duty free stuff, dont go to The Zone. go to Kuah. its cheaper.

so next trip we are planning to go to penang at stay at Hard Rock Hotel there. mesti cool kan? i've seen the photos, it just make me go crazy.

when we're back to kl, me n h went for our interviews. its time to get serious. we hafta stop partying for a while. we've had enuf of partying anyway. miyan will be back by 24th and he plans to do a party for his birthday before going back to thailand for another band tour.

my new year was awesome. i hope u guys had fun too.

xoxo!